will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
