shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
