I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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