thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
