so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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