She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
