Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
