you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
