I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
