When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
