if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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