haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
