i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
