No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
