I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
