i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
