I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
