Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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