he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
