I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
