if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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