I want to walk on stilts...naked
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
