In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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