So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
