I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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