Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
