After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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