why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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