they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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