Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
