The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
