i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
