would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
