We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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