I forgot how hot balto sounded
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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