I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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