All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
