genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
