I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
