I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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