Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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