I wanna passion pit in your ass
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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