ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
