Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I intend to get homeless drunk
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize