yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
