This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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