But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
