If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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