Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
