Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize