Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
