i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
