She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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