so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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