Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
