turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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