Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
