we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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