Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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