So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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