yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
