so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
they're like a gay fantastic four
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
