What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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