he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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