you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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