She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you didnt know i had herpes?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
