You're my little dorito
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
