Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
