what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
