I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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