and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
