I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
