i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
