I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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